Written by Jason Fisher
When I was twenty-one, I had completely lost myself, lost who I was, a four-year journey to nowhere. I was sleeping around with multiple girls, a shell of the man I was, and the exact opposite of who I am today. The awakening of this bottom-out was when I contracted the STD chlamydia. I remember the phone call from the clinic, feeling empty, feeling dirty, feeling ashamed, feeling so, so low. I never felt so alone in my entire life.
Now fortunately, chlamydia can be remedied with a simple antibiotic. However, the low I felt did not subside with a simple trip to the pharmacy. I felt as if I was at the bottom.
But little did I know, the culmination of my bottom-out was still on the horizon…
A few weeks later, my friends and I traveled to Tampa for spring break. During the trip, I was overwhelmed. Maybe it was the mistakes of a few weeks past, the ocean views, the friends, the sunshine, the free time, I didn’t know, but I felt like God was speaking to me. Keep in mind, I was not saved nor a believer, but I was certain God was telling me something. I started to feel this abnormal and peaceful calm. So much so, I thought I was going to die. There was no other explanation for this peace. It was that overcoming. It was so peaceful, it was eerie. And my only conclusion was that God was preparing me for death. This was it. My last hoorah. This was the end of my life. I would die on this trip.
It almost came true…
Outside the clubs at 2 AM In Ybor City, Tampa, my friends had an altercation, which led to everyone fleeing back to the limo. I did not reach the limo. I remember being hit in the back of the head and collapsing toward the ground. As many hands held the doors of the limo closed, I was surrounded and kicked repeatedly in my head. No scars or marks on my arms, I didn’t cover up. I was surrounded. I was helpless. Maybe this was the warning I felt so strongly about. Maybe this was the end. However, God revealed later, it was just the beginning.
The next morning, I woke up in the ICU, bruised brain, broken nose, broken pride, broken soul. Now this was rock bottom.
But in the wake of all this, God revealed to me what that peace meant. It all became perfectly clear. God wasn’t showing me death. He was showing me life. What life in Him is like. Beauty, friends, nature, and a peace that goes beyond all understanding. He was showing me what I can have in Him. But He also showed me what life in this world is like. The life I’d been living. He showed me what the world has for me. Loneliness, brokenness, an STD, and frankly, an ass-whooping.
God knew I needed a wake-up call, as extreme as that may seem. But God took me through it and He showed me that in all areas of life, we have two choices. As cliché as that may sound, God made that crystal clear to me. One is God and one is the world. From that point on, I have tried to choose what He has.
The realness and intervention of God in Florida will forever stay with me. Doubting God now is impossible. His presence was so evident, so felt, so real. And He led me out of the darkest corners of my life into His light, into His purpose and into a new beginning…
Ever since waking up in the ICU, I have been forever changed. Now, it still has been a process, a journey toward maturity, but as I mature in God, I am trying to fully seek Him and live in His purpose. I am still growing, but I know I am much closer today than I was years ago. And God has called me to several things in my life along the way and He has blessed me with every step I trust and follow Him.
He called me back to Abigail, my wife, to reconcile the unique love we once shared, the love I took advantage of before. And He has blessed us. We are more in love than ever before; it gets stronger each day. This calling has given me the best woman I have ever known, who challenges me, who makes me better, who has pushed me out of my comfort zone to see the world and more importantly, to see who I am and who I can be. This calling has given us the greatest gift of two children, which bring me more joy than I have ever felt and has given me the greatest calling of all, being a good father.
He called me to teach and to coach. This calling led me to a profession I love, to numerous relationships where I can encourage young people in their struggle. This calling took us to Costa Rica where I was blessed to play basketball professionally, fulfilling a lifelong dream of getting paid to play. This calling has blessed me with some of the greatest friends in my life.
He called me to write poetry and to perform, which has given me a passion I never knew. This calling led us to our church, LifeGate, where I have been able to perform, proclaiming the gospel. This calling has led to opportunities to speak at my school and to small groups utilizing the gifts He has given me. This calling has led me to mentor other young poets.
He has called me to start SEXhaustED, to speak to young people about the world’s twisted view on sex. This calling has matured me, has forced me to lean on Him even more so for guidance, strength, and courage to stand up and speak. This calling has helped me give up pornography for good. This calling has given me other men who have sought me out to help them overcome the same perils.
God’s callings on my life has come alive in so many ways. My only relevant purpose is to continue to listen to Him and stay obedient to His callings on my life. It has only led to blessings. It has never taken me astray. And I wait, with zealous anticipation, for the next step He has for me.